Life Coaching Designs Blog

What Are Your Energy Drains?

In light of my upcoming webinar “Take Back Your Energy” taking place on February 27th, I decided to write more on the topic of energy and talk about some things that leave us feeling tired. So what exactly are energy drainers? They are the tasks, to-do’s, environments, people, situations and other things in our lives that zap our liveliness, deplete us and leave us feeling physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. Energy drainers are the choices we make that redirect our attention and decrease our vitality. Your physical energy is affected by the way you manage it, your mental energy reflect those to-do’s stored within your mind, and emotionally energy is influenced by how we deal with our inner feelings.

Do you have energy drainers in your life? The first step in restoring your vitality is to identify what is draining your energy. Once you have pinpointed these energy deficits you can then start to make changes and set boundaries that enlighten, restore and reenergize you. Below is a list of some common energy drainers. This list by all means is not comprehensive so please feel free to add other energy drainers you experience in your life.

• Cluttered work or home environment
• Not enough sleep
• Constant worry
• Take on too much
• Overbook or overscheduled yourself
• Little time for hobbies or other things you enjoy
• Lack of exercise
• Poor food choices
• Incomplete projects
• Failure to address problems or issues
• Allow issues to build up
• Failure to set clear boundaries
• Not allowing yourself to say “NO”
• Unorganized house
• Failure to clearly communicate your needs
• Stress at work
• Keeps a MENTAL to-do list
• A home environment that does not reflect who you are

Again the above list is only a sample of energy drainers. I challenge you to think about your own energy drains and ask yourself two questions: “What would be possible if I no longer was tolerating these drains in my life” AND “What am I currently doing to address my energy drains?”

If you would like to:

1) Learn to evaluate your energy
2) Eliminate energy drainers
3) Make yourself a top priority

then please join me in a coaching session via webinar that I am hosting on February 27th. Everyone who attends will receive a free workbook with additional exercises following the presentation. Click here to sign up: http://www.lifecoachingdesigns.com/Workshops.html

Where Do I Start?

By Joseph & Viola Twelves

Perhaps you are one of the many people who have found yourself stuck in a rut and not sure how to even begin to dig yourself out of it.

One of the most common “ruts” that we end up in deals with our choice of profession or career. It’s something that, unfortunately, is often inevitable. Why? Because most of us didn’t have the guidance necessary growing up to help us make the best decision nor did we put the work into making that decision.
During those pivotal years of “growing up” it is normal to be more concerned about the contents of the vending machines in the cafeteria than the contents of our permanent school records. With that said, it’s important to have fun in the present while remembering that we have a long future ahead of us – a future that will seem even longer if we’re dragging our feet through a workday we can barely stand.

If you have found yourself in this situation, like countless others, here are 3 things to ponder as starting points to help dig yourself out of your situation:

1) Priorities / Likes / Dislikes: Get out a piece of paper and literally write down things you enjoy doing and hate doing. Get as detailed as you would like and cover anything from doing dishes to working with special needs children. Also, write a realistic list of your priorities and the things that you need for yourself and/or your family.

2) Ask Around: Talk to your peers, neighbors, friends and relatives about what they do. I don’t mean “How’s work going?” but really ask about what their job entails, their daily responsibilities, and what they enjoy (or dislike) about their job.

3) Reflect: Ponder and reflect about the things that you have learned about yourself and the potential professions that surround you. Think about these things in a quiet place. This is something that is not practiced enough and can really lead you to discovering important things about yourself that you didn’t take the time to realize before.

You might think career planning is a bore, but that process is downright thrilling compared to spending forty years in a career meant for someone else. It’s true that it takes work to find out what the best fit is for you, but it’s well worth the journey. Join the conversation, find even more resources to help you on your journey, and start getting yourself out of that rut!

Van Twelves and his family are the creators, writers and editors of the ultimate career resource guide Conversations: Find Your Niche!. They worked together for almost a decade on this family project that includes 150 interviews with working professionals, a research roadmap to guide you through, and countless resources to save you months of research. Their desire is to help people find the career best fit for them to help them find happiness in their work and life. Conversations: Find Your Niche! can be purchased at Amazon.com and the Twelves family can be reached via email at JoeTwelves@keeperpress.com as well as on Twitter @KeeperPress.

What Are You Tolerating?

After writing my last article at thecircle.org about tolerations in the workplace I was compelled to write more on the subject. So what exactly are tolerations? They are the things we are putting up with in our day to day lives that are zapping our energy and holding us back from living our best lives. For example, tolerations can be things such as a messy closet that needs organizing, a friend that is constantly late but we have yet to discuss the problem with them, a stack of papers that need to be filed, or situation that is causing us stress. Tolerations can include people, your environment, pressures, situations, expectations, your body, feelings, stress, problems and events. So what are your tolerations?

Make a list of 50 things you are tolerating. Brainstorm and post the list where you can see it every day (it may take a week or so to list everything). They can be big or small. List in all areas of your life: home, work, family, office, relationships, life & lifestyle, body & self-care, computer/equipment, money, and car. Be sure to list everything regardless of whether you feel you have a solution for them or not. Be sure not to put filters on them. Ask other’s to help you recognize your tolerations.

Next, write down this question “What would my life look like and feel like if I was not tolerating this?” When answering the question be sure to really picture what your life would be like. Would you have more room in your closet if you cleaned it up? More storage? What would that feel like to you? Would you feel like you had more control in life? What else can you do to be more in control of your life?

Now choose a few items that you are going to work on to create less tolerations in your life. Start with 2-4 items to work on. Make sure you choose things that make a big impact on your life and take it step by step. Don’t try to do too much too soon-ease into it and break it down into manageable parts.

Once you start to work on overcoming your tolerations you will start to see you have more energy, you are more creative and resourceful, less distractions and overall just a happier person. It is your life and you are in control-choose how you want to live it!!

What’s Your Question?

As a coach, I often do homework inquiries with my clients. What are homework inquiries? They are powerful questions asked in between our coaching calls to help clarify or find answers to what you are seeking. They are meant to be used as a reflection exercise to explore an important area of your life for a period of time. Many times I ask my clients to post this question around their house, office, car and other various locations. This is to ensure they are thinking about their question during different times of the day and in different environments. It’s amazing what you can uncover if your truly focus on this one question.

For some people, meditation produces the same results especially if you tend to meditate for long periods throughout the day. You may be the type of person who meditates for an hour first thing in the morning and then again for another hour in the afternoon and/or evening. For others, just taking the time to reflect on your question in the morning and again before going to bed is enough. Whatever format you choose to use in exploring your question just make sure it works for you.

So what are the right questions to ask to help in this discovery process? There are millions of questions to choose from and creating your own question can also be quite effective. As a coach, I believe every person has the answers within but may need the right environment or system in place to help locate those answers. Designing your own question may be your best option because on some level you already know what you are seeking. For others, using inquiries given to you can also be just as effective in tapping into your creativity. Below are a few of the homework inquiries I use:

• What do you have to have in your life to feel whole or fulfilled?
• What does success mean to you?
• If I were at my best, what would I do right now?
• What type of life would I be living if I honored my values?
• What keeps me from winning or succeeding?

After jotting your question down and reflecting on it for a week or so you can even take it even one step further. For example, let’s take the question “What does success mean to you?”

1) When you figure out what your definition of success is then jot down reasons why this is important to you.
2) Next, think about the things you are willing to give or give up to help create this “success.”
3) List the challenges or obstacles that may stand in your way of reaching this success.
4) Lastly, be sure to write out the steps you are going to take to make it happen!

So I ask you “what is your question?” What answers are you seeking? Where do you feel stuck in your life right now? Take time to reflect on this and try to create your own question. Remember the answers lie within it just takes focus and perseverance to find them!

Be Patient with Patience….

Lately, I really feel like my patience is being tested. Working from home and taking care of a 3.5 and 5 month old is trying at times (to say the least). Although I try to stay calm and use appropriate discipline strategies there are some days where I really feel like I am going out of my mind and all rationalization goes out the window. Patience is certainly not my number one trait but it is something I recognize as being fundamental to surviving these years with young kids as well as an essential life-long trait.

Learning to be patient is not only important with children but in all areas of your life: work, marriage, school, relationships, money etc… The list can go on and on. What I have learned about patience is that it is a skill that requires A LOT of practice. Our first impulse with many things is to just do it, buy it, forget about it, etc.. But if we wait long enough our decision may change. For example, if I go into a store and see an item I want or “think” I need I can either buy it right there on the spot OR I can wait a week and see if I still want it. Chances are come the following week I will realize I probably don’t really need it and never end up getting it anyway.

Patience is skill because it requires practice, the use of new abilities and changing one’s mindset. It may require learning new techniques such as counting to ten to help control your temper or stepping away to give you a new perspective. Once we learn new techniques that can help us be more patient it is up to us to decide if we are going to use this new skill. When faced with a challenge or unplanned event we must decide how we want to respond to this new situation. We can blow up, get angry and storm away or we can take a step back, breathe and look at our situation in a new light. How we react has to do with both our skill set and decision making abilities.

Although some people are much more patient than others, I believe it is an area where all of us could use some improvement on in some way, shape or form. So below are a few suggestions on how we can become more patient.

• Alter the way you think about the situation. Instead of getting angry because you have to wait in line or wait for an appointment look at is as a gift and an opportunity to do something that you normally wouldn’t have the chance to do. It might be a good time to make your grocery list, figure out weekend plans, play a game, do a crossword or just a chance to be still and reflect.

• Plan accordingly. Keep in mind that things happen. Delays and setbacks are going to occur and the more you tell yourself this the better off you will be. Leave more than enough time when going somewhere because you never know what kind of traffic you will run into. Expect plans to change at a notice’s moment (especially if you have kids) and be willing to roll with the punches. Change your mindset and expect delays and setbacks to occur.

• Set limits. Many times we become impatient because we realize we are running out of time and not going to get everything done. Don’t set yourself up failure but rather be more conscious of time and only plan things that fit in. Trying to do too much in too little time is a recipe for disaster. Be mindful of your time, prioritize and schedule events/activities/tasks that are most important to you.

• Step away. When you feel your bodying clenching or going into a rage then walk away. Leave the room or area you are in for a few minutes and breathe. Count to ten and clear your mind. Just leaving the environment or situation can help you gain composure.

• Be patient with patience. Remind yourself why you are working so hard on becoming more patient. Are you trying to improve your relationships? Better health? Improved working conditions? Whatever it is constantly remind yourself of all the good things that come out of being patient. Instead of getting frustrated about an unplanned situation look at as an opportunity to practice your patience.

Well that’s it for now. Hope these tips are helpful and remind yourself that being patient requires practice and hard work. Don’t beat yourself up if you find you are being inpatient. Instead, learn from your mistake and make a commitment to handling it better next time! Please feel free to share ways or techniques you use to help improve your patience.

Do You Make Decisions Out Of Fear?

After writing about going back to school during a recession in my latest post on thecircle.org I was compelled to write more on my last point in the post. Basically, I discussed making a decision to return school based on fear. Many of us are panicked right now due to the economic downturn therefore we are making decisions out of fear. We may not realize it at the time but making decisions out of fear not only disregards our values but causes discontent in the long run.

Two things happen when we are fearful making decisions: either we procrastinate and put off making the decision or we jump in feet first without giving much thought to the decision. Although sometimes we need to take that leap to get over the hump and face our fears, the fact of the matter is some consideration is required in order to make an effective decision.

When we let our emotions like fear get the best of us we make decisions without considering other alternatives and take the first thing that is offered. When our fear is so great, reality can be distorted forcing us to make unrealistic decisions. We may also find ways to distract ourselves so we do not have to face the fear or the harsh realities of making an effective decision.

So what can we do to help make a better decision? First and foremost, we must experience the fear and understand what it feels like. When we are find ourselves resisting a decision or making a quick decision we should stop, breathe and focus our attention on this fear. Be aware of what is happening physically in your body. Do you feel muscles tightened or a strange feeling in the pit of your stomach? Notice what you are thinking while you are experiencing this fear. What is your inner critic saying to you?

• “You aren’t working hard enough”
• “I am not good or smart enough”
• “You should be further along in your career”
• “You’re not attractive enough, wealthy enough, experienced enough, old enough etc.”
• “You’re too old, young, bald, aggressive, passive, introverted, extroverted etc.”

Take the time to notice how this fear affects your actions. Think about whether decisions you made in the past were out of fear. What was the end result? Journal about your fears to discover the meaning behind them. These negative fearful voices inside of us keep us from either completing tasks or successfully reaching our goals.

Experiencing our fears allows us to notice when it’s present and may even lessen as time goes on. Although we may not 100% be able to rid ourselves from fear we can become more aware of it therefore allowing us to have more control over it. We can think through our decisions in a more methodical manner instead of making irrational decisions. Lastly, experiencing our fear and making the decision to do it anyway can be empowering!

Abuse in the Workplace

Last week I wrote a blog post at the circle.org about “Dealing with a Toxic Boss.” I provided some tips on ways you can deal with a toxic boss to help make your work environment more tolerable. There is no excuse for any type of abusive behavior in the workplace but unfortunately in today’s economy more people are stressed out trying to do their job with fewer resources and are taking it on others. Whether its bosses or employees people are turning to alternative means to get things done and they are hurting each other in the process.

As someone who has experienced a toxic boss myself, its heartbreaking listening to stories about the misery people are enduring due to their hostile work environments. This type of behavior has taken over some people’s lives and they fear going into work every day. Their boss’s mood determines their mood and they feel like they have to walk on pins and needles throughout the day. Absolutely by no means should anyone feel this way-at work or at home. Unfortunately this type of behavior has become the norm in some workplaces and is now considered “acceptable” behavior.

Although, I have listed some tips on the circle.org blog on how to deal with a toxic boss I thought it was important to point out the psychology behind a toxic boss. According to Newsweek “The Making of a Toxic Boss” they state: “Again they found that it’s the interaction of power and inadequacy that engenders abuse. Fast and Chen believe that this dynamic reinforces itself in the workplace, because people who gain power pressure themselves to perform at a higher level, and thus are more apt to feel inadequate in their powerful role. This threatens their ego, and they become defensive. Defensiveness often comes out in the form of insults or worse.

So what can you do about your toxic boss? According to Newsweek a “shot of self-worth” goes a long way in decreasing this toxic behavior. They go on to say that just a little praise was enough to reduce aggressive tendencies. In other words flatter your boss. However, too much flattery can be detrimental forcing your boss to lose touch with reality so know the right amount of flattery that will work on your boos and you may notice a much more pleasant work environment.

What Is Your Life’s Purpose

After writing my last article “When Your Dream Job Isn’t Enough” I decided to expand on one of the tips mentioned. The basis of the article is about finding your life’s purpose. And below is an insert from my article:

Free write and answer this question “What is my mission or purpose in life?” Free writing is writing for a period of time about 10-20 minutes and writing whatever comes to your mind. You do not correct any errors or think about what you are writing but simply write what comes to mind. After completing this exercise read through your responses. Most likely (especially after you go down the page a ways) you have written something that is profound and resonates inside of you. For some it can feel overpowering and for others it can bring tears to their eyes. In all likelihood this is your life’s purpose.

Free writing can be extremely powerful and provide answers that you have been searching for a while. You can write about any topic. Grab a sheet of paper or jump on your computer and write a title on the top of the page; it can be a one word title or a short sentence. Set your timer for 10 minutes (or use the clock on your computer screen). Next, just write without reading or judging what you are writing. The most important point to keep in mind is to keep writing without stopping. Even if you get stuck or are at a loss for words just write the same word over again or write: “I am stuck and can’t think of anything else to say.” Even if you get off topic that is okay too, you never know where this exercise is going take you. You can also write about how you are currently feeling, “I’m hungry,” “feeling hot,” etc. If you find you are having a difficult time concentrating try using soft relaxing music during this exercise or meditate beforehand.

Keep in mind you can free write on several different statements during the 10-20 minutes such as “What am I passionate about?”, “What is my life’s purpose,” and/or “What makes me truly happy?” Or you can use one statement such as “Who am I” and title several sheets of paper and free write on each sheet. Again there is no wrong way to free write as long as you are writing without stopping for a specified length of time.

Free writing allows you to stream your thoughts and ideas without censorship. The process itself can be invigorating and stimulate new perspectives. Finding your life’s purpose involves a great deal of soul searching however, beginning with simple exercises such as free writing can help get you started in the right direction!

Live Your Best Life

The above video inspired me to write more about Living Your Best Life! Although many of my blog posts fall under this category I thought it may be beneficial to write more on the topic itself.

There is no one right way to live YOUR best life. Living my best life is not going to be the same as living your best life. However, there are some core principles that many of us can live by to help create our ideal lives. Below are some activities and principles that can help you Live YOUR Best life.

• Get clear on what it is your want. Identify what it is your truly want out of life. Sit still and visualize what brings you joy and how you truly want to live your life.

• Meditate. If you do not or cannot meditate then make sure you take 20 minutes out of your day to quiet your mind.

• Write in a journal. Journaling can be a great place to help you release your worries and obsessions. It can help identify any fears and also passions. Journaling can tap into deeper layers to help you on your path of personal growth and development.

• Visualize. You can do this while you relax your mind-sit and think about your ideal life. Imagine what it would look and feel like. Experience the happiness that you feel when thinking about the wonderful things you currently have in your life or in the future.

• Replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts. Think of constructive thoughts that can replace negative thoughts. Keep in mind when you look at your situation it may not be as bad as you thought or you may not be to blame. You can say things like: “At least I did something”, “nobody’s perfect”, “what happened is not entirely my fault” and “Every cloud has a silver lining.”

• Improve your self-confidence. Identify things you are proud of and/or have successfully achieved. List out your best characteristics.

• Define your passion. What are you passionate about? What do you ABSOLUTELY have to have in your life to feel whole and complete?

• Identify the blockages in your life and then learn to overcome them. Find out what is preventing you from reaching that goal or taking the next step. Is it fear? If so learn to get comfortable with fear and become aware of what it feels like (does your blood pressure rise, stomach in knots, heart pounding etc.). FULLY experience your resistance. When those little sayings in your head start creeping in such as “I can’t do this” or “I am not good enough to have that” learn to stop it dead in tracks and replace it with “I can.” Be consciously aware of your fears.

• Create a vision board and post it where you can view it every day. Create a board filled with pictures of your ideal life. Cut pictures and words out of magazines, draw pictures or print out photos from the internet. Looking at pictures creates imagines in our mind. Vision boards can help us get what we want out of life!

• Live by your values. Make a list of values and be sure to honor them. Make sure your decisions are based on your values to ensure you are living in accordance with who you are.

• Set goals and be sure you have an environment set up to help achieve your goals. Make sure your family is on board and remember to let people know about your goals-they can help push you when you need it. Make sure your work and home environment is equipped with the right tools.

• Surround yourself with positive people. The positive energy that radiates from people who are joyful and optimistic will send out vibrations that will permeate within you.

• Eliminate negativity out of your life-negative people, negative news, negative environments, negative substances, etc.

• Learn to balance your time. Identify what areas of your life need more balance and start taking proactive steps to create balance. Not all areas have to be equal but balance is key to living a healthy life!

The above list is by no means comprehensive but if you can take a few of these principles and apply them to your life I can bet you will start seeing positive changes. When you live your life in accordance with who you a shift occurs and energy starts to flow to help attract YOUR best life!

Be All That You Can Be

Many of us have heard this slogan “Be All That You Can Be.” Created by the U.S. Army and used for recruiting purposes.

Basically, the slogan challenges a person to become all that he/she is capable of becoming. Growing up in a military family I have heard this phrase more than once but never really gave it much thought. Maybe I was just too young at that time to really give much attention to the saying?

However, now that I am older and designing my best life I revisited this saying and reflected more on what it means. Becoming a person that one has the potential to become is what I get from this slogan. I thought about what one needs to do to help be all that he or she can be.

The number one factor that I keep coming back to is values! In order to be all that you can be you MUST live your life according to your values. You must get clear on who you are and live in accordance with this. Although I have written a blog post on identifying your values I think it is important to reiterate a few vital points.

The first step in identifying your values is taking time out to reflect. Write down what comes to mind. Just write without editing or over analyzing. Write words or phrases that you feel represent who you are. If you find it difficult to come up with values then answer a few questions such as:

• What are you truly passionate about?
• What does having a full or whole life look like to you?
• What is missing from your life? What would make your life more satisfying?
• What is your definition of success?
• What would you like others to say about your at the end of your life? What would you like
to say about yourself?

If you are still finding it difficult to pinpoint your values after answering these questions reflect on a special time in your life. What was going on and why was it so special? What was happening? What were the values that were being honored during that time? There was probably an event or moment in your life that made you feel good. Most likely, you were in tune with who you are therefore honoring your values. Think about the important things or feelings that were present during this special time.

After determining your values, make a list and prioritize them. Rank order them in importance and check either yes or no if you feel you are currently living in accordance with your values. If so list the ways you are honoring your values.

Lastly, make a list and keep it with you at all times (purse or wallet). Be sure to look at it at least once a day. Any decisions that you need to make especially BIG decisions make sure you think about your values. Any or all decisions made in accordance with your values ensures you are living a full rich life. Be true to yourself so you can BE ALL THAT YOU CAN BE!!!